18. September 2016 · Comments Off on Phobias are more than just being scared · Categories: Confidence, phobias, problems, spiders

If you’ve read my previous blogs, or spoken to me about hypnotherapy, you probably know I got into this because of the awful phobias of spiders I had. Seriously, this phobia was bad. I would check all corners of every room I went into (and couldn’t stay if there was a spider, regardless of size), I would pretty much unmake my bed before I got in it each night, there were spiders EVERYWHERE, I would avoid doing things I knew there would be spiders, and I would run, scream, flap and cry if I had to be near one, or one unexpectedly appeared.

That’s all gone now since I had some therapy (three sessions, and now I don’t care about them! Ha! It still amazes me all these years on!), but I can remember what it felt like. The panic. The overwhelming space it took up in my brain. How it consumed each day, and night.

So if you come to me, and say you have a phobia, I believe you. I believe that how you’re saying it is, it’s actually ten times worse, but you’re embarrassed that as an adult you act that way, how out of control you can feel. I believe that you want to do something about it, but it’s such a huge thing, you just don’t see how it will work.

Well, all I ask is you try. What have you got to lose, apart from the cost of three sessions? What have you got to gain, apart from, you know, just having your life back full of freedom…?

I specialise in anxiety and phobias, and generally, there are three types of phobias I come across; Learnt phobias, Shock phobias, and Link phobias. This blog article is all about learnt phobias.

Learnt phobias are the ones you gather as you’re growing up. So, for example, I used to have a learnt phobia of thunderstorms. I would check the clouds, I was able to recognise which shapes and colours meant that a storm was potentially coming, which temperatures would affect the chances, that stillness just before. When I heard the thunder or saw the lightning, I would sweat, shake and feel sick. I would want to hide from windows and mirrors, turn lights on, unplug aerials in televisions, and if we were in bed, I would go to the front room. If it was really bad in the night, I’d get dressed too. Because, you know, we might need to evacuate.

This was TOTALLY a learnt phobia. My Mum taught me the majority of the phobia, but my Nan (Mum’s mum) taught me the more extreme parts, such as hiding completely under the duvet (and nearly passing out from the heat), getting dressed, or creeping back up the stairs so as to not bring the thunder back once it had gone in the night. My great-Nan taught my Nan other things too, such as putting away the silver, or covering up mirrors. So, you see, it really was a sort of tradition. The women in this family, yes, they’re scared of thunderstorms.

And then I moved 300 miles away, and found that I was just a bit too busy for this phobia. It became an annoyance. If it thundered, I still needed to go to work. There was still work that needed completing for uni. I didn’t really have time to hide any more. I COULD get up and get dressed and go into the front room when it thundered at night, or I could stay in bed. It was this that made me start to question whether this phobia was actually as much of a phobia as I thought, or just one I’d learnt. For me, realising it was all learnt behaviour was enough for me to stop doing those behaviours. When you stop doing the behaviours associated with the learnt phobia, the phobia disappears, because it wasn’t really there in the first place, it was just the things I was doing in response that made the phobia appear.

It was just something I did, because I’d always done it.

Learnt phobias can go immediately, or a few weeks later. The thing with a learnt behaviour is that it’s habit, so just as some ex-smokers just give up, some need a bit of support to get them out of the habit. Learnt phobias are exactly the same.

If you think your phobia is learnt, my recommendation is to write down all the behaviours and rituals you have around that phobia. Then, put plans in place to change them. The last step is to actually do those plans.

As always, if you need a hand, get in touch. I can write you a nice, short, personalised MP3 that will get those new plans in place super quickly for you. But you can do this. You’re in control of you. This was just something you learnt, so why not learn something new in its place, now?

09. May 2016 · Comments Off on The secret cure to losing weight · Categories: Confidence, Diet, Exercise, Guilt, Health, Weightloss

I think I may have found the cure to being fat. Honestly, I think I’ve found the secret to weight loss.

I think for most people, this isn’t a secret, but I’ve had a dawning of realisation that I’ve followed, and I’m losing weight. Steadily. Not as quickly as when you go on a diet, but I’m hoping that’s because it’s just my body getting used to eating like a naturally slim person. And I’m pretty sure that everyone who doesn’t struggle with being overweight already knows this and does it naturally, but I thought I would share, just in case you, like me, hadn’t realised.

Secret cure to losing weight - your body is a bank!

Secret cure to losing weight – your body is a bank!

 

The secret cure to being fat is to treat your body like a bank account. This bank account has no overdraft, and should never be left at zero. So, before you can draw anything out (like 3 biscuits, or a packet of crisps, or a few too many glasses of wine), you need to fill your bank account up, with a few days of good eating, and exercise.

It sounds simple, yeah? It is! But you have to remember a few rules that go along with it.

 

 

 

1. This won’t work if you haven’t sorted out the emotional issues connected to your eating. So all those self-sabotaging, emotional eating, boredom, ways to make you feel better, low-confidence, you’re not worth the effort issues – they need sorting first. Otherwise, it won’t work. Sorry. (But hey! I can recommend a cognitive hypnotherapist who can sort those out quickly for you!)

2. You can never leave yourself in debt. No “I’ll just pick up this sausage roll from the service station and exercise later to make up for it”, because you won’t. You know you won’t. Then you’ll have eaten a probably horrible grey-meat sausage roll, feel horrible for it, and not lose weight.

3. Exercise isn’t something you can miss. You have to do it. Most days. I’d say, 5 out of 7, but I’m no expert, I’m only saying what works for me. You know those annoying friends that can eat anything they want, never do an aerobics class, and never put on weight? They probably also never sit down to watch TV, always use the stairs, won’t take the car for short journeys and get their 10,000 steps a day just by doing stuff. It sucks, but you have to do it. And, I’m hoping, we’ll all grow to love it!

4. Some foods will just make you fat. There are just some foods that some people can’t eat. For me, it’s bread and processed food. Even if I exercise, my body can’t burn off those foods. So I only eat them on special occasions, and I don’t eat as much of them, because I kind of like having a flatter stomach.

5. Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full. Don’t eat just because it’s lunch time. Don’t eat just because there’s food left on your plate. It’s not a waste, because next time you’ll know not to make as much, or you can save it for later.

So there you go. That’s the secret to not being fat. Why didn’t anyone tell me this years ago?!

(Well, I think they did, but you just need that bit in your brain to click to believe them. Give me a shout if you need a hand making your brain click.)

02. March 2016 · Comments Off on Working 9-5 · Categories: Confidence, life coaching, problems

I always seem chipper, and happy, and bright. And most of the time, I am. But about 15 months ago, I was struggling.

I was working in a low-management job for the local government, and it was draining me. I loved the work and hated it in equal measures; I loved that I knew what I was doing and was very competent at it, that I was in a great location for lunch time walks and I had some great friends that made me laugh. Oh, and a regular known pay cheque each month.

But I hated how things were never allowed to change, that I would do a lot of work on proposals for them to be shot down before they’d even been looked at, that (bored) staff would make my life deliberately difficult for their own sport because they knew I had to deal with it as their manager, that I wasn’t near any natural light or air (we were in a massive box with no opening windows), the commute every day was horrible and expensive, meeting after meeting achieved absolutely nothing, that there was a lot of lip service and brown-nosing…

And I found that it was getting increasingly hard to get out of bed each day, and that the ‘back-to-school’ dread on a Sunday was creeping into a Saturday, and that I had to talk myself into walking into the building.

That’s no way to live, is it? We’re at work for the majority of our day, and if you’re not enjoying that part of your day, isn’t that wasting your life?

It was talking to my partner’s father that made me realise there was another life out there. He was telling us about how he was in a job he hated, so he found another job, and he left. Could it really be that simple?

Well, it sort of is.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where we need money to live well, so unless you have another job to go on to, you’ll struggle. I was lucky in that for the four years previously I had been doing cognitive hypnotherapy on two evenings a week and odd weekends, I just needed to ramp up letting people know I would soon be available more and I had my full time job that I love.

With the support of my partner, we squirrelled away some savings (just in case), updated the website, got active on twitter and facebook, and started speaking to people about Cognitive Hypnotherapy. Before I left my old job, I had my first three weeks fully booked.

And, life has completely changed! I can’t wait to get started in the mornings, I love the flexibility of my time and day, I love being able to be creative, and Sunday nights are full of excitement about what’s to come, rather than dread! I think I make it sound easier than it is, but honestly, the amount my life has improved doing something I love completely outweighs the hard work that it takes to get here!

Here’s a quick shortlist of things you will need:

– A job to go to (whether that is self-employed or to another company)

– Confidence that you can do it and succeed

– A safety net of savings (we went for 3 months worth)

– Self-belief and self-worth

If you feel you are lacking in any of those, get in touch. I won’t give you money, but I will you give you the tools to find savings, and ways to make your vision a reality.

This is your life, let’s make it a life you look forward to EVERY morning.

08. February 2016 · Comments Off on Onwards and upwards – The Cognitive Hypnotherapy Journey · Categories: Confidence, Health, NLP, problems, Weightloss

Firstly, I must start off by saying what a huge honour it is to now be part of South Coast Hypnotherapy joining Caroline in her well established practice.

Perhaps it would be best if I told you a little bit about myself before getting to the nitty-gritty of this, my first blog post for SCH. I first had hypnotherapy a few years ago now for an issue I was having with my relationship with food. As a complete sceptic I had no faith whatsoever in hypnotherapy, let alone cognitive hypnotherapy and suffice to say I was left stunned by the impact the results had on me and my life.

The sceptic in me remained however as I wasn’t convinced that it wasn’t just a one off. The acid test for me was my spider phobia. If a hypnotherapist could ‘cure’ that then I’d be sold. I’ll give you three guesses as to the outcome of that one.

And so the journey began. I was looking for a career change at the time and I remember the moment that it hit me, I wanted to become a cognitive hypnotherapist. Clinical hypnotherapy didn’t appeal as the direct authoritarian approach just didn’t ring true with me and making people run around like chickens and eat onions thinking they were apples was about as far away from what I considered a profession as I think you could get. Cognitive hypnotherapy was the obvious choice for me because it’s a therapy that’s tailored to each individual and no two therapy plans will ever be the same. For example the reason why person A smokes will be manifesting from a different place to person B. Cognitive hypnotherapy uses a wide range of techniques that are further ‘customised’ for the individual that the therapist is seeing. You simply don’t get that with other hypnotherapy techniques and it’s why this type of therapy is so effective.

Training at The Quest Institute was the most incredible, life affirming thing I think I’ve ever done (apart from becoming a father). The ten month journey from knowing nothing about hypnotherapy to taking on my first client was stunning and I’d recommend it to anyone. I learned so much more about myself that I couldn’t quite believe that it was possible to change one’s way of looking at the world so drastically and for the better.

So that leads on to the point of this blog. We should all try and keep in mind these few things:

  1. Doing something is better than doing nothing
  2. We’re all fellow strugglers
  3. If something is an issue for you, get some therapy. Easy as that.

There is very, very little that cognitive hypnotherapy can’t help with. If you want to lose weight, stop smoking, reduce food consumption, need pain control, need help with coping with depression or anxiety, want to conquer a fear or phobia or whether you want to find your way in life then cognitive hypnotherapy is certainly to way to go. And everything I just listed there is the tip of the iceberg. We can help people with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), eating disorders and I can help you if you’re a guy with sexual health issues e.g (but not limited to) erectile dysfunction etc. We can even help you with diabetes and other health related issues.

And there is no such thing as a daft question. If you want to know something about cognitive hypnotherapy and how it can help you then please click here to contact Caroline and myself.

01. February 2016 · Comments Off on Feeling stuck in life · Categories: Confidence, life coaching, problems

As so often happens, people come to me for one issue, and it ends up being about something completely different.

A past client came to me for “feeling stuck”. He was in his early 40’s at the time, stuck in a job he hated, doing I.T support for a large company, and had left school with some exams, but dropped out of college in the first term. He didn’t know where to go in life or what to do, and he felt that he needed some direction before it was too late.

I asked him about school and college, and why he was doing I.T when he so obviously hated it. He replied about how he’s “a bit thick” and he fell into I.T because he could be trained up and there was no pressure on him in the role he’s in to get any further, he’s no good where he has to “learn” things, which was why he did badly at school and college.

But, I could see an issue. (Apart from the one he came with of course, feeling stuck!) He was clearly a very articulate and intelligent man. He has a wide range of interests, he’s an extremely talented cook, he “has a go” at wood carving and when he showed me the outdoor furniture he’d made, he was clearly very good at it! So why was this intelligent and talented man telling me he was stupid and thick?

In his second session, we did a technique where we build up a feeling, take him back through his unconscious to the first time he felt it, and put his adult brain’s thinking to the situation. So we talked about this feeling of being stupid and thick with him able to give me some examples in education and trainings of when he felt that way, and then his unconscious mind showed us when he first felt this way. And, as quite often happens, it wasn’t caused at all by what he thought it would be!

His unconscious mind said the first time he had felt stupid like that was when he was around 3. He had been in the kitchen while his mum had cooked, and, being intrigued by the pastry brush, he had started playing with it and brushing it on things. He said he started to think about how all the little individual hairs of the brush stayed in, and, being three and inquisitive, he had pulled a hair. Unfortunately, it sounds like he had pulled the key hair, because as he did, all of the hairs unravelled out of the brush, until he was just holding a wooden stick. As the last hair drifted to the mound at his feet, his mum turned round, saw what he’d done to her favourite pastry brush, gave him a clip round the ear and shouted “don’t you ever do that again!” and sent him off out of the kitchen.

So, as often happens in therapy, his face lit up with realisation, as I was sat there thinking, “but what has feeling stuck in life got to do with a pastry brush?”. So I asked him.

“Ah, it all makes sense now! I can’t believe this!” he said, as I eagerly awaited to hear how the two could possibly be connected.

What had happened, was his 3 year old brain said, “when you try and learn things (like how the hairs stay in the pastry brush), you get a whack round the head and shouted at. Tell you what, let’s avoid learning from now on, there’s no point finding things out, it only ends in pain and feeling upset.”

So, that’s what he did. For the next 38 years he avoided as best he could anything to do with formal learning, but by avoiding it, he still got upset and in pain, but by failing exams, dropping out, and thinking of himself as stupid.

He applied his (intelligent and perceptive) adult brain to the situation, and realised his mum was very busy cooking for the whole family, she had to then clear up the mess he’d made, plus, that pastry brush was a bit of a luxury and when he was young, they hadn’t had many luxuries, his mum especially so. She was probably upset he’d ruined it. As he came back along through his unconscious memories, he realised that in most situations, he’d always done “something daft” to ruin his chances, like being late to school, or being naughty so he was sent out of classes, or getting a job that meant he couldn’t go to college as regularly as he should have so he dropped out.

He was so annoyed with himself. Annoyed that for all that time, he believed he was stupid, when actually, he was just trying to learn something for himself, that actually, he was (and always has been) quite intelligent.

I love those realisation moments.

The good news is, he let himself change and didn’t want it to be too late. He’s now just about to graduate from an Open University Course, and is putting plans into place to change his career. Oh. And he got a promotion a few weeks after he finished his four therapy sessions with me, purely because he realised he could do more, and his management team noticed that.

Aren’t brains amazing? Every day I have clients and think, ‘wow, your brain is AMAZING!’. If something is holding you back, ask yourself, is that a fact about myself, or a belief? If I had asked this client in the first session, he would have said it was a fact. Either way, we can work on improving it for you.

What will you do when you have no limitations?

09. November 2015 · Comments Off on The other side of depression · Categories: Uncategorised

I’ve thought long and hard about posting this. I want to make it completely clear that I am in no way not supporting people with depression. It is a horrible, draining, dangerous illness. I work with a lot of people with depression, and support people in my life with depression in any way I can. However, the supporters need support too. So that is why I wrote this. Let me know your thoughts…

I keep seeing posts on Facebook about how to support people with depression. There’s that lovely one of making a fort and hiding in it with them, or the pie chart saying ‘what people think depression is like, and how it really is’. I think these posts are important. Not only do they help people recognise that they may be experiencing depressive symptoms, but also helps other people who have never had depression to not say “why don’t you just look on the bright side and cheer up?”.

But, seeing these repeatedly, these “you’re not supporting me right” posts, how does that affect the supporting partner/family member/carer?

Because, although they’re not the person dealing with the depression, they sort of are. Ok, you don’t have the physical symptoms, but you have others that are brought on completely because of the depression the other person is suffering.

You have the guilt. So much guilt. There are some things you have to push that person to do. In the early stages, it’s pushing them to get up, to go to work, to have a shower, to just eat something. As time goes on, it’s pushing them to get out of bed so you can change it, pushing them to at least wash their face, pushing them to take their medication. Repeatedly. Because it’s very very hard for them to do it the first time. So you carry on pushing, because you know the end result will make them feel better, or, because, there are some things you just have to do. They look at you as if they hate you for making them have a drink, but you know they haven’t had a drink in 12 hours and will feel even worse for that. They say you nag because you’ve now asked them three times to have their time-regulated tablet, while you’re stood in front of them with it on your hand with a glass of water.

That guilt of constantly making your already down and negative partner feel even more useless or hopeless is just overwhelming, but things need to be done. That guilt of thinking, “but who is supporting me?”, then thinking why should you be supported as you don’t have depression so here, have some more guilt.

You have the anger. Why can’t life just go back to how it was? Back when you both would spring out of bed, raring to go. Back when you had a sex life. Back when the share of household chores was equal. Why do you have to do everything now? It’s fine for your partner to say they’re sorry and they’ll do more, but you know it never happens and you feel guilty of reminding them (see above) and angry that you feel you have to, and you can either let things slide or do it all yourself.

There’s the anger that you didn’t sign up for this. Then anger at yourself for thinking like that.

You have to hide everything. Your partner is already going through so much, they don’t need you making them feel guilty for being ill, or to see your anger. When they have a panic attack, you have to take a deep breath and just be their calm, hold them and tell them it’s going to be ok. When they’ve got the heaviest black dog on their back, you just have to be next to them, and if anything does come to mind that’s reassuring, hope it’s not the straw that might break the camel’s back if they take it the wrong way. You have to hide all those emotions, even happiness, because you don’t want to rub in that you’re about to get a promotion at work, when they’re stuck in a dead end job they can’t even get to at the moment. You have to hide the fear when you leave the house in the morning that when you get home, they might still be in the same place, staring at the ceiling in bed. Or worse.

You have helplessness. You try just hugging their heads and hiding with them like those memes on Facebook suggest you do, but you need to get on. They need to get on. The kids need taking to school. You have an appointment in 15 minutes. If you don’t do any washing today, there are literally no clean clothes left. Your partner may not feel like eating, but you could really do with something. Anything.

You try your best and it’s never good enough. Even though you’ve supported in every way ever imaginable; cooking, cleaning, making and taking to appointments, sitting and listening, sitting in silence… They only remember the days you forced them to get to that doctor appointment/move from the bed to the sofa because you needed to change the sheets/cried at them because you just spent 2 hours making a roast dinner that you thought they would eat because they said they fancied yorkshire puddings and that would help them feel better because they haven’t eaten properly in a few days now whilst you were also cleaning up and making sure they’re not about to hang themselves and preparing your own bits for your own barely hung onto work and they’ve snapped at you that they’re “just not hungry”.

Do you push them, making them feel unsupported, but ensuring they get done what they need to? Pushing them makes them dislike you for what you’re doing, and dislike yourself, for knowing what it’s doing to them.

Do you leave them, meaning they don’t accomplish anything, all day, every day, falling down deeper into that black sink hole? Leaving them, making them feel abandoned, making you feel as if you’re just not good enough to help.

You, supporter and carer of person with depression, are doing the best job you can, and more than anyone can expect of you. But you need support too. You only have so many inner resources, and the thinner they get spread, the more brittle they are. So yeah, depression sucks. But you have to look after yourself too, in any way you can.

Get in touch if you need support from therapy, either through dealing with the guilt and anger, or for some deep relaxation, or any other way we can help. And remember the Samaritans are always there to listen, non-judgemental, completely confidential, 24/7 on 116 123, by text, or by email.

07. July 2015 · Comments Off on Giving up habits · Categories: Confidence, Health, problems, Smoking

I’ve recently had a lot of clients who want to give up smoking, and other habits. This happens sometimes, you get cycles of different themes of problems, and it just happened to be that most recently the problem was smoking.

Each of these (now ex-) smokers’ problems were completely different. A few were addicted to the nicotine, and needed help with cravings. Some were into a habit of taking a break and using smoking as the excuse to do so. Most believed that smoking was such a major part of their lives, that even though they’re not addicted, surely it can’t be that easy to just give it up?

A common theme was self-belief and confidence in themselves to achieve what they want to. It can be hard, when you’re labelled as a ‘smoker’, to get around to thinking that smoking is just something you do, rather than something you are.  Let me say that again. Smoking is just something you DO, not something you ARE.

If you kept stubbing your little toe squeezing through a gap, when you could walk in a bigger gap where you wouldn’t stub your toe, you wouldn’t keep on squeezing through, would you? What if you were told repeatedly by your friends, family and the media, that once you’ve started squeezing through little gaps, that’s who you are, that it’s part of your character, and you’re known for it? Would you still continue squeezing through little gaps and stubbing your toes? Because even though you know repeatedly hurting your toes isn’t good for them, doesn’t everyone (and yourself) expect you to carry on doing it?

What if you only squeezed through gaps every three days? It would definitely give your toes chance to heal a little, and would probably make you realise you preferred not injuring them all of the time. Also, because people expect you to squeeze through gaps still, you would still be fulfilling that accountability.

What if you only squeezed through gaps when you went out with friends and had a drink? Your toes would properly start to heal then! You could still fulfil that part of your teenage brain that says squeezing through gaps is cool and makes people like you (even though it seems these days, more people are avoiding squeezing through gaps and are even wearing more comfortable shoes, what lucky toes they have!), but you wouldn’t have to do it every day.

Of course, you could just ask yourself what you really want to do. Why not take responsibility for yourself? So what if everyone says it’s hard to give up, so is smoking, and people do that every day!

You don’t have to believe what everyone else thinks. You are the only one that knows your own mind and body. If you’re ready to give up stubbing your toes, then you give up. Come and get some help and support if you need it, but we probably won’t be working on what you think is the problem. It’ll probably be your self-belief and confidence in yourself. Otherwise, wouldn’t you have given up by now?

 

South Coast Hypnotherapy provides one to one support for Smoking Cessation, and anything else that is causing you a problem in your life. We also offer four week ‘Build Your Self-Confidence’ courses in small groups of six people, at different locations around the south coast. We currently have a special offer for our new Portsmouth location – 4 weeks for £44 instead of £55. Please see here for details.

27. May 2015 · Comments Off on Asking from the universe · Categories: life coaching, problems

Last week, somebody suggested to me that I ask for what I want from the universe.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It seems to suggest that a higher being is in charge of deciding who gets what, and I’m not entirely comfortable with that within my belief system. However, asking for what you want does seem to work.

When I was training to be a Cognitive Hypnotherapist, Trevor said, “For the first six months, you will only get the clients you can handle” (and then cheekily added, “we arrange it that way”). And yep, for the first six months, everything I got given I could handle. All text book, pre-practiced cases came in at a nice steady rate. Now, it could be argued that I wasn’t perhaps seeing the complexities due to being a newly qualified therapist, but, they all went away happy, and I don’t feel I over-complicate my therapy now I have more complex cases…

When I went full-time, I said I wanted three clients a week for the first three months while I eased myself in, and, for the first three months, that’s what I got. No extra advertising, and no turning away.

The week after completing ‘Confident Childbirth’ training, I got my first ever hypnobirth enquiry.

The day after finishing additional training in smoking addictions, I got two separate enquiries from smokers.

A fellow therapist has had some time off due to illness, and the week she decided to get back in the hypno-saddle without announcement, the enquiries started coming n.

So just what is it that makes this ‘seek and ye shall find’ work?

Priming may go a long way towards explaining it.

One thing I would say the majority of clients benefit from is learning to find the positive changes in their lives. Sometimes, the changes are tiny, but as they start to notice one, soon they’re surprised at how many other changes start cropping up. Another example is when you’re buying a new car, you suddenly notice lots of other cars the same on the roads, or if you’re trying for a baby, every face along the street is pushing a pram. Our mind is primed towards noticing what we are thinking of, which is why it’s important to think about where you’re going in life, rather than where you’ve been.

But that doesn’t explain how external things crop up when you ask for them. I wasn’t screening my calls, and only taking calls from clients wanting help with particular issues. So what is it that sends out the message, “I’m ready for this new experience”?

Ah I’m sorry. I’ve made you read all the way to the bottom, without having an answer for you. I honestly don’t know. But I know it works, and you don’t even have to believe in it, just be aware of what signals you’re sending out.

If you would like a hand making your ‘signals’ more positive and geared towards what you want out of life, give me a shout. We can work together to create the future you want.

24. March 2015 · Comments Off on What if you couldn’t fail? · Categories: life coaching

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

That’s quite a question. Let’s break it down a bit, and alongside that break down any brain barriers you might have. Have a read through this blog, and then grab a pen and paper, or copy and paste the list of questions at the end into a word document to answer.

So, to start with, what would you do if you didn’t need to go and earn money? This can be job related, hobbies, activities, things you’d like to learn… How would you fill your day? Would you do the same every day, or would different days have different activities? This is your chance to go wild – remember, this is only on paper (at the moment!) so you can put absolutely anything you want to. Why not start each morning with a massage, spend an hour in the gym, before a consultation with your private chef about the day’s menu, as you go out to shop and come home to make something at your potter’s wheel? This is your chance to figure out everything you would like to do if money was no object.

When you were 5, what did you want to be when you grew up? At five we have no realisation of what adulthood means, and so we can use our imaginations to be what we really want to be. This could be something that shows off our brave, practical, adventurous side such as fire-fighter, or it could something that shows your creativity, taste for travel and need for speed, such as cheetah. When children say they want to be a dinosaur or a dog when they grow up, or such things like it, I always ask why – then you get to know the characteristics behind their choices. The same applies when you do this as an adult; what did you want to be when you were 5, and why?

If you could go and enrol on any course right now, without limits, what course would you choose? What would you learn if you could learn something right now? It can be difficult to imagine your own capacity for learning, but you really can. Your brain is elastic, and it likes a good stretch every now and then. If you could learn anything, what would you like to learn? This is different to the question of “if you could qualify in anything, what would you choose?”, as qualifications suggest you’re not thinking about your present version of you, but rather what do you need to become to get where you want to be. We can set goals later on, but for now, think about learning. This could be new skills, new hobbies, more education, anything at all that you’ve ever fancied learning a bit more about.

If there was one thing you could change during your school years, what would it be? What would you do differently? How would you develop your character more? Author Tom Robbins wrote, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood”, and the majority of my clients come to me with a problem that started in childhood, whether they’re aware of when it started or not. But, you can fix it. You can make it feel better. You can stop those issues affecting your present and your future with a smaller amount of hypnotherapy than you probably realise.

If you won a substantial amount on the lottery this weekend, how would your life be different in a years’ time? Would you be in the same relationship? Working in the same place? Doing the same job? Eating the same things? Having the same hobbies? Spending your spare time the same? This way of thinking allows you to think outside of the mundane – it’s so easy to get bogged down in practicalities that it can be hard to think without them.

Now you’ve read all the way through, answer the questions in bold below the email address. Once you have, ask yourself a couple more:

-Is it easy to see what you need to change?

– Do you know what you’re going to do next to make this happen?

– Just what would you do, if you couldn’t fail?

I’d love to hear your answers! Drop me an email on change@southcoasthypnotherapy.net, and if you need a hand making these things happen, consider life coaching. Enjoy this, because this is your life, start making it what you want it to be.

 

 

What would you do if you didn’t need to go and earn money?

How would you fill your days if you weren’t doing what you do now?

What did you want to be when you were 5, and why?

What would you learn if you could learn something right now?

If you could go back into education, what course would you choose to do?

If there was one thing you could change from school, what would it be?

What would you do differently if you were just starting secondary school again?

How could you have developed your character more during your teenage years?

If you won a substantial amount on the lottery this weekend:

– How would your life be different in a years’ time?

– Would you be in the same relationship?

– Would you be working in the same place?

– Would you be doing the same job?

– Would you be eating the same things?

– Would you have the same hobbies?

– Would you be spending your spare time the same?

27. February 2015 · Comments Off on Solving problems · Categories: Confidence, problems

Problems are a fact of life. But you can make them less of a problem…

If I said to you “Don’t think of a giant rabbit”, you would have to think of a giant rabbit to then un-think it, and think about something else. So when you’re thinking about your problem, to stop ourselves getting buried beneath it surely we should be thinking of the solution instead?

An old (in every sense of the word) teacher of mine once told me to start every task with the 5 W’s; Who, What, Where, Why, When, and then that will give you the How. And, I may have ignored him for the most part, but I think he was right. (Sorry Mr Wolfe.) Try these steps and let me know how successful you are.

WHO can help you? Who could your solution involve? Be as wacky as you can, this is just planning, you don’t have to stick to any of this so have a play.

WHAT could you do? What’s the easy thing to do? What’s the brave thing to do? What’s the most fun thing to do? What if no one was standing in the way of your solution, and the world was your oyster?

WHERE can you get help from? Where can you go for some creative thinking space? Where will your solution take you?

WHY are you solving this problem anyway? Go on, convince yourself why it’s worth solving!

WHEN are you going to start solving this problem? When are you going to have each stage finished by? When realistically will this problem be something you look back on and think, “Oh, didn’t I sort that one out creatively/with passion/with energy.”

By answering these questions, you should be heading towards your HOW.

HOW are you going to solve the problem? WW(insert name here)D? I love playing a bit of “What Would (insert name here) Do”! I go through all of the people I trust, those people who have their heads where I want mine to be, and I see what their solution would be.

Another idea for your HOW is having an ideas party. It’s not much of a party admittedly, there aren’t usually sausage rolls involved and the answers aren’t always what you want to hear, but you need to sit opposite someone whose opinion you trust, ask your question, and then not speak for 3 minutes while they give you as many ideas as possible on what you could do. If they’re willing, get them to write them down too. And don’t forget to say thank you, you’ve probably just zapped some of their problem solving brain cells there.

By not speaking, you can’t say “Yeah but…” or dismiss their ideas because your brain has built up a wall against a solution. You just get a barrage of ideas, hopefully with some wild, amazing, inspirational and practical ones thrown in there too.

I’m excited for you. Let me know how you get on! If you’d like a bit more help, then feel free to contact me, or book in for a session – life coaching sessions are great for problem solving.

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